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Amy Gabrielle's avatar

Dear Susan, it's really hard to write about something when you are in the thick of it. Just surviving takes up all your energy, and those who haven't been through it can't understand. Does Mr. Rugby see a psychiatrist and take medication? I've had anxiety, a panic disorder, and depression since I was 19, but I didn't start taking medication until I was 28. Breathing techniques just weren't working anymore and I spiraled into agoraphobia and nonstop panic. Even then, I waited two weeks before seeing the psychiatrist my therapist had recommended. I was scared of medication, so I resisted. At my first appointment, I was prescribed Paxil for long-term relief (it takes several weeks to build up in the body and become effective), and Klonopin, for immediate help. The Klonopin worked overnight and I was my old self the next day. All I needed was a small dose, .125mg (1/8 of a milligram). Benzos get a bad rap because they can become addictive after long-time use, but they are very effective until the benefits SSRIs or SNRIs kick in. It can take some trial and error to find the right medication and dose, but for me it was 100% worth it. My apologies if this feels like advice (which you didn't ask for, so I don't mean it to sound like it is), or if you've already been down this road and nothing worked. Please feel free to dm me for additional information, or just for support. I've pretty much been through it all. Sending hugs, Amy 🥰

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Susan McCorkindale's avatar

My new friend Amy, thank you again.

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Amy Gabrielle's avatar

You are so welcome Susan. I try to just share my experience and say what worked for me rather than sound like I'm giving advice. I'm sure you've been told to meditate or try yoga, and although people mean well, it's still infuriating. I felt like yelling, "Downward dog ain't gonna make a f*cking dent in the level of stress and grief I'm carrying around." I'm a native New Yorker, but something about the misspelled words and terrible grammar makes me feel like a rebel 🤣🥰

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Susan McCorkindale's avatar

I grew up in NJ and went to college in NYC. Love misspelled words, terrible grammar, and rebelling. And downward dog and go f itself! :-)

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Danielle Brooks's avatar

Susan I cannot imagine the level of exhaustion, mixed with deep love and compassion that you are running on to make it day to day. I pray your sons find the help and support they need to break free from the pain and suffering they are experiencing.

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Julie Clark's avatar

Do you know if Mr Rugby was bitten by a tick? I had anxiety, OCD, vertigo, muscle twitches (magnesium and B vitamins helped that), and a slew of other symptoms--including hallucinations! I had Lyme disease and thanks to a lab screwing up my test twice, my doctor didn't believe I had Lyme disease. It took 13 months of trial and error with various supplements to get over it. Hoping things get better for you and your family soon!

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Ellen Dolce's avatar

Oh, Susan. Way too much happening all at the same time. How could you not feel overwhelmed and exhausted. I wish there was a simple “cure” that would take the pain away from all of you. And if there was one I wish I had it so I could give it to you. My only words of “wisdom” are to take this minute by minute with time off with minutes in between. This is no sprint to the finish. My heart hurts for you. You can do no more than you already are. 🙏❤️

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Barbara Faresich's avatar

I'm so sorry for the pain and suffering you and your sons are experiencing right now. Please continue to do anything you can to find respite, and if writing is what gives you comfort keep doing it! We're listening.

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Jennifer E Goldman's avatar

I love you. I know it’s not super helpful but I love you and I love how much you love your sons. I hope things get better for each of you and I’m looking forward to being able to visit in a few weeks. Remember: you’re doing all the right things! 😘

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Laura Clark's avatar

Susan, I'm so sorry. And I'm sending love. I can't imagine summoning the strength, courage, resilience, positivity, and grace you do day after day. If anyone has this, you do. But sometimes I'm sure it doesn't feel that way. Just remember the force that you are and always have been <3

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