Remembering names and details, talking about the police, and more

In last week’s newsletter, I shared that my 31 year-old son who has autism was arrested and charged with solicitation 19 months ago. I thought that this week, I’d give you the details along with a few important tips.

My son was with a group of guys he barely knew. They invited him to play soccer. He loves soccer and all he ever wants is friends. But these guys were belittling him, making fun of him, and even though he felt something was “off,” he stayed. To my son, mean “friends” were better than no friends, better than another night home hanging out with his cats. But things escalated beyond belittling.  

One of the guys took his phone and no matter how hard my son begged, wouldn’t give it back. This guy kept saying, “keep kicking the ball, you’re getting better!” to distract him. And because my son wants to “get better” to please his so-called friends so they’ll invite him to play another time, it worked. The guy who took his phone had it for about 45 minutes, plenty of time to download an app, introduce himself as my son, and request a hook up.

A request he managed to make of a male deputy pretending to be a 14 year-old girl.  

Having made this arrangement, this “friend” gave my son back his phone and told him to go to a nearby 7-Eleven to pick up a guy who wanted to join them for soccer that night. Did my son do it? Of course he did. He wants to please his “friends” because he has none. So he drove over to the 7-Eleven, pulled in, and was immediately swarmed by a dozen cops, guns drawn, lights blazing, screaming at him. Did the guy who took my son’s phone plan to get him arrested? Maybe, maybe not. But he connected with a sting operation and my boy was the one who got stung. 

Now for the fun part. 

My son remembers no one’s full name. He might recall your first name, or he might only recall your nickname or a nickname he gave you because he can’t recall your real name. For example, there’s an attorney in town who my son is friendly with. Before his house arrest, he’d occasionally see this man at a pub called O’Brien’s to watch soccer matches on television. My son is a Man United fan, this man roots for Man City. My son calls him City Boy. That’s it. That’s the guy’s name. As far as my son’s concerned, anyway. We have worked on this with him for almost his entire life. He’s better with family and with those friends I see frequently, but beyond that names don’t stick. 

Given that he was playing soccer with a group of guys he hardly knew, pointing the police in the direction of the real perpetrator was impossible. He couldn’t provide the police or our attorneys or me with anyone’s name. Couldn’t tell us where they lived. He was able to tell us that one of the guys was nicknamed Speedy and direct us to the spot where they were playing soccer, but that was it. Making matters worse, there were no CCTV cameras at the field. 

So, my son was left “holding the bag” as they say, and the rest is history. 

---

When my son told me the details of his arrest, the dozen cops, the lights, the guns pointed at him, the screaming, it made me sick. If it had been me, I’d have panicked, screamed back, told them to keep their hands off me. Thank God he did none of that. If he had, he might have been among the 33 to 50 percent of people with disabilities who are killed by law enforcement.¹

And why are they killed? Because most police officers don’t understand autism and they really don’t understand the reactions and behaviors of people with autism when they’re overstimulated by lights, noise, and strangers rushing at them. Many try to run. Others cover their ears and resist being handcuffed. Things escalate. And then sadly, things go south.

A policy brief published by the International Society for Autism Research states, “Currently, the Federal criminal legal system makes little or no attempt to understand this population or to recognize their unique needs, supports and challenges. Criminal prosecutions ignore criminal intent, unfairly holding autistics to the reasonable person standard, even when it is clear that their disability played a major role. Prosecution of these individuals often leads to disastrous consequences for the individual and their families without any benefit to the public, suffering unnecessary cruelty under an inequitable criminal justice system.” ²

And that’s if those individuals make it to prosecution.  

The killings by police of adults and teens with autism is an all too frequent tragedy. You can Google and read all about Ryan Gainer, Elijah McClain, Tamir Rice, Arnaldo Rios-Soto and his caregiver, Charles Kinsey, and if you do, I think you’ll feel as I do: all of these lives were lost needlessly, these deaths could have been prevented with proper police training and the creation of trained mental health crisis intervention teams. 

Based on all I’ve covered, the following are this week’s tips. 

First, work with your loved one on remembering people’s names and identifying characteristics. If, God forbid, they should be the victim of an assault, the more they can tell you and the police about the perpetrator, the better. 

Talk with your loved one about the police. Maybe find a police drama or movie involving a police officer and pause the show to talk about how police are trained. Explain how their job is to stop “bad guys” and that’s good, but their tactics can be scary, especially if you find yourself in a position where a police officer mistakenly thinks you’re a bad guy. Then talk with your loved one about the importance of staying calm. And, if possible, teach them to say “I have autism,” and “I want an attorney ,” and that’s it. More on this to come. 

Finally, if you’re so inclined, send an email to your representative urging them to change how the criminal justice system handles cases involving those with autism. This is important because, “By age 21, approximately 20% of youth with autism have been stopped and questioned by police and nearly 5% have been arrested³.” There are thousands of people with autism in our jails and prisons and for each and every one it is, as it’s been called, a living death. They are not equipped to handle such conditions and to continue sentencing them as if they were neurotypical is inhumane. 

1. David M. Perry and Lawrence Carter-Long, The Ruderman White Paper on Media Coverage of Law Enforcement Use of Force and Disability (Newton, MA: The Ruderman Family Foundation, 2016), https://rudermanfoundation.org/white_papers/media-coverage-of-law-enforcement-use-of-force-and-disability/

2. Autism and the Criminal Justice System: Policy Opportunities and Challenges. An International Society for Autism Research Policy Brief, April 2022

3. The Prevalence and Correlates of Involvement in the Criminal Justice System Among Youth on the Autism Spectrum. 2017; A.J. Drexel Autism Institute

---

Thank you for reading Autism and the Law: What Parents Need to Know. I would love to hear from you and am open to comments, suggestions, and your own stories if you’re comfortable sharing them. I’m also happy to help should you need advice or someone simply to listen. You can reach me at susanmccorkindale@gmail.com.

Please take a moment to subscribe and share this newsletter with those you think might benefit. Autism continues to touch all our lives. I appreciate your help in getting this information to those who will hopefully never need it. Thank you and Happy Thanksgiving!