Life On The Inside is an email newsletter about life with my son who has autism and who has been under house arrest since April 2023. You can sign up here:
We just “celebrated” the one year anniversary of the start of this shit show.
One year.
51 editions of this newsletter.
365 days of stress, and stress eating, and stress drinking. But not at breakfast any more.
12 months of being talked at until my ears bleed and my eyes cross and my only recourse is to find the funny in the whole thing.
It seems the three of us are doing that these days.
If I do something dumb, like insist Mr. Happy put the salmon in the oven only to have him ask if it’s supposed to go in frozen which means, shit, I forgot to defrost it, he’ll look at Mr. Rugby and ask, “Have we had her tested for autism yet?”
It’s our favorite new question. We ask it about each other and other people a dozen times a day.
Me: My boss thinks I can have this written in the next 15 minutes.
Mr. Rugby: Have you had him tested for autism yet?
Mr. Rugby: I called Grandma but she hung up on me.
Mr. Happy: Have we had her tested for autism yet?
Mr. Happy: Uncle Dan swears it’s safe for us to stare at the eclipse.
Me: Your Uncle Dan should have been tested for autism ages ago.
We also send each other cat videos. Mr. Rugby and I can’t send them to Mr. Happy because he’s not allowed to have a smartphone, but we send them to each other all day and by the time Mr. Happy comes in from work, we’ve got seven or eight we can’t wait to bombard him with.
As you can imagine, Mr. Happy and his autism do not enjoy being bombarded but – we do it anyway.
I like to think of it as a bit of payback. Mature of me, I know, but I’ve never claimed to be mature. Stupid? Yes, I will buy that overpriced snake oil that’s “proven” to boost my boobs by two cup sizes! Impatient? It’s 4:59! Why has no one poured mommy a glass of wine?
Definitely not mature. Definitely crazy. But I think my crazy is the reason we’re all still alive and laughing despite this situation.
I’d go on, but I can’t. At least not right now.
Mr. Rugby’s making frozen hot chocolate and if he mistakes the salt for the sugar again, I’ve got to be the first to ask,
Have we had him tested for autism yet?!
Thank you for taking this long, strange trip with me. I appreciate you and your many comments and emails. If you’d like to read parts 1-50, you can do so here.
No problem- people who have autism have the legitimate right to joke about it, whereas the people who don't have it don't.
"I can't go on. I'll go on."- Samuel Beckett.
(P.S. As someone with autism, I wish people wouldn't joke so casually about it).