Life On The Inside is an email newsletter about life with my son who has autism and who has been under house arrest since April 2023. You can sign up here:
With any luck, in less than two months we’ll have a final ruling on Mr. Lucky to Be in His House and Not the Big House’s case and, shortly thereafter, the plan Rob and I proposed will go into effect and I’ll be able to go home.
Which begs the question:
What should I do with all the heavy clothing I’ve stolen and purchased during my time as warden? I suppose I could return the pilfered items but the kids don’t seem to want them. Something about my having worn their things puts them off. Mommy cooties? Aren’t we a little too old for cooties of any kind? I don’t know about my sons, but I’ve aged a hundred years since last April.
I guess I could ship everything home, where the sweaters, sweatpants, big fluffy socks, and various sizes of jeans will live under the bed, collecting dust and driving me crazy with the knowledge that THEY’RE THERE.
Maybe I could sell them, although nothing I have is special or expensive or any kind of brand name except maybe the Spanx sweatsuit I bought. I meant to have the pants hemmed as they’re long enough for Mr. Lucky to wear, but never got around to it. Both pieces cost about $200. That’s a lot for clothing you’re supposed to sweat in, don’t you think? I was just looking for something comfortable. In black. That would hide me. But since you couldn’t miss the fact that the pants were dragging on the floor, it didn’t turn out to be the cloak of invisibility I’d hoped for.
I should just sell that thing.
I guess I could keep everything here, in a box, in the storage closet in case I need them. But if I need them, for any reason, particularly a reason similar to the reason I’ve needed them, I won’t need them. I’ll be wearing orange and enjoying the solitude of a cell. Because I will kill someone.
If that happens, I hope they’ll let me keep my supply of apple cider vinegar and honey. The Painful Burning Belch of Death appears to have gone and that is very good news. And while that may not be big news, I’ll take it.
xo
Thank you for taking this long, strange trip with me. I appreciate you and your many comments and emails. If you’d like to read parts 1-53, you can do so here.
I hear orange is the new black! Do you think they'll let you get a Spanx jumpsuit?