Part 82: Fun with perps and police!

Or, how to entertain yourself in court

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Photo by Erik Mclean on Unsplash

As we waited to go into court this morning, I came up with a new game. Mr. Lucky didn’t exactly like it, particularly because it made me laugh so hard and so loud he kept saying, “You’re going to get me in trouble!” To which I replied, “Who cares? You’re already in trouble!”

What’s the game? It’s called Dos Po-pos and Perps.

See, we were sitting on a banquette by the window, looking out onto the parking lot and the sidewalk leading to the courthouse, and watching people who were clearly attorneys walk up to the door. But then other people, regular people like me and Mr. Lucky, also started to arrive, and I grabbed Mr. Lucky, pointed at one regular person, and cried, “Perp!”

He was like, Mom!!!, but he was laughing.

And I said, “Don’t mom, me. It’s fun!!” “See,” I said, pointing at three attorneys carrying coffees and briefcases, “not perps. But these guys,” I said, pointing at two men in sweatpants, “total perps!”

So Mr. Lucky looks out the window and sees a police car pulling into the parking lot and says, “Po-po!” As its followed quickly by another police car, he says, “Another Po-po!”

“Dos Po-pos!” I cried, “Dos Po-pos and Perps! This is a great game! How have we not discovered this sooner?!”

Honestly, it was all we could do to stifle ourselves, particularly when our attorney arrived to find us doubled over with laughter and surrounded by 20 other “perps” who were not having nearly as good a time as we were.

Eventually we made our way into the courtroom, Mr. Lucky shushing me ‘cause I’m still giggling, and sit down. We already know, because the prosecutor assigned to our case is sick, that nothing is happening today. Nothing. Nada Zip. Zilch. So all we can do is wait until Mr. Lucky signs the continuance form, it’s presented to the judge, and the judge says see you on October 15th.

Can I wait quietly like an adult? Can I behave with any sense of decorum?

Sadly, I’m too riled up for any of that.

For the entire two and half hours we’re there, I keep whispering to Mr. Lucky and pointing ever so carefully at people around us (so as not to be noticed and then bounced out by the bailiff), “Perp! Perp!” And of course I also had to point to the police officers in the room and whisper, “Dos Po-pos!” in the kid’s ear. He was laughing so hard and whispering, “Mom, stop! Please stop!” and then I pointed to myself and said, “Perp Parent! Proud Perp Parent! It should be a bumper sticker, sweetheart!”

That was it. The two of us laughed out loud and our attorney looked at us like, WTF are you guys doing????

And then we stopped. Or, more accurately, I stopped making Mr. Lucky laugh. But I didn’t want to. I still don’t. It was the most fun I’ve ever had in court. And I intend to play Dos Po-pos and Perps when we go back again (again!) next month.

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