Decisions, decisions...

I was out for a walk this morning with my new friend, Julie, and got to telling her about my mixed feelings about pursuing Life On The Inside as a memoir.

On the one hand, I feel I haven’t been the best mom for a son with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), so how could I possibly offer advice to other ASD parents or help them in any way? I think a lot about the time we pulled Mr. Lucky out of a school that was “going 100 miles per hour”, and put him in one more appropriate for his needs — a school “going 35 miles per hour”. I often think he deserved a mom going 35 miles per hour, someone wrapped up only in his needs instead of her desire to be successful. And it doesn’t matter that my desire for success was only to be able to give my sons the best. It wasn’t what was best for my older son.

On the other hand, I have learned a lot writing this newsletter and doing the research necessary to turn it into a resource and a memoir. (It’s actually a form called memoir plus. Like I need another genre to remember; I can’t remember my own name half the time.) I’ve learned things that stunned me, things that, if I wasn’t a 100 mile per hour mom I probably would already have known (shame on me), and still other things that have broken my heart and that, I believe, absolutely must be addressed and corrected across the board as pertains to those with autism caught up in the criminal justice system.

So where does this leave me and this newsletter and my maybe/maybe not memoir plus manuscript?

It leaves me feeling that the information I’ve gleaned and the resources I’ve discovered need to be shared with those who need them. I’ve already spent hours and hours reading policy, reviewing studies, listening to podcasts, finding experts, perusing their reports, and reading books on the topic. Why should another parent have to do the same? They shouldn’t. If your autistic child is arrested, there are things you need to know immediately. There are things you need to do immediately.

I didn’t know any of these must-know, must-do things when Mr. Lucky got arrested and if I can help one parent arm themselves with this information and better advocate for and protect their kid, every hour I’ve spent on research will have been worth it. And if, by any small chance, I can affect some change in the way our justice system treats those with autism, I can go to my grave a happy girl. (But not yet. Mr. Lucky is not yet situated and settled somewhere safe.)

I’m unsure yet if I will share my research here, under Life On The Inside, or via a new, separate Substack newsletter. I’ll keep you posted. And of course I hope you’ll subscribe. Not because you need the information I’ll be providing. But because someday someone you know might need it.